What If God Isn’t Giving You What You’re Asking For Because You’re Asking Outside of Him?
There are prayers we have prayed so many times that we can almost say them without thinking.
God, please make this happen.
God, please don’t let me lose this.
God, open this door.
God, change their mind.
God, let this relationship work.
God, bless what I’m trying to do.
God, give me what I’ve been waiting for.
And when the answer doesn’t come—or when the answer seems to be no—we can begin wondering:
Why isn’t God answering my prayers?
But what if God is not withholding something good from us?
What if we are asking Him to give us something outside of what He desires for us?
That is a very different question.
Because sometimes we have already decided what the answer should be before we ever pray.
We aren’t asking God what He wants.
We are asking God to approve what we want.
And then when He doesn’t, we call it unanswered prayer.
Sometimes We Aren’t Asking for God’s Will—We’re Asking God to Bless Ours
There is a subtle difference between surrender and seeking approval.
Surrender says:
“Father, what do You want?”
Seeking approval says:
“Father, this is what I want. Please make it happen.”
And if we’re not careful, we can spend months asking God to bless something He never asked us to pursue.
We can ask Him to preserve something He is asking us to release.
We can ask Him to reopen a door He allowed to close.
We can ask Him to change someone so we don’t have to accept what their behavior has already revealed.
We can ask Him to make something work simply because we have invested so much of ourselves into it that letting go feels unbearable.
We can ask God to confirm our plans after we have already made them.
And sometimes we aren’t really asking:
“God, what is Your will?”
We’re asking:
“God, will You please make my will work?”
James confronts this directly:
“Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss…”— James 4:3 KJV
That verse is often reduced to asking for selfish material things.
And certainly that can be part of it.
But I think we should allow the verse to examine something deeper.
What is underneath what I’m asking for?
A Good Thing Is Not Automatically God’s Thing
This is where discernment becomes important.
Because not everything we ask God for is obviously wrong.
Sometimes what we’re asking for looks very good.
Marriage is good.
Financial stability is good.
Healing is good.
Ministry is good.
Opportunity is good.
Restoration is good.
Success can be good.
A new home can be good.
Companionship is good.
None of those things are inherently outside of God.
But something being good does not automatically mean this particular thing, in this particular way, with this particular person, at this particular time is God’s direction for us.
That distinction matters.
We can become so convinced that something is good that we stop asking whether it is actually God’s will.
Then our prayer becomes an attempt to persuade God.
“Surely You want this for me.”
Maybe.
But perhaps the better prayer is:
“Father, do You want this for me?”
There is humility in that question.
There is also surrender.
Sometimes We Decide What God’s Goodness Has to Look Like
This may be one of the hardest places to examine ourselves.
We believe God is good.
But then, without realizing it, we create our own definition of what His goodness must produce.
If God is good, this relationship will work.
If God is good, I’ll get the job.
If God is good, the door will open.
If God is good, this person will change.
If God is good, I won’t lose this.
If God is good, He will remove this difficulty.
If God is good, my prayer will be answered the way I’m asking.
And now we haven’t simply asked God for something.
We have attached His character to the outcome.
So if the answer is no, we don’t merely experience disappointment.
We begin questioning God.
Why would You let this happen?
Why would You take this away?
Why wouldn’t You give me something good?
But God’s goodness cannot be measured solely by whether He gives us the outcome we selected.
Sometimes His goodness may be revealed in what He does not allow.
A closed door can be mercy.
A relationship ending can reveal truth we refused to see.
A delay can protect us from moving before we are ready.
A no can redirect us.
And sometimes we may never understand why God did not give us what we asked for.
That doesn’t make disappointment painless.
It simply means God’s goodness is larger than our preferred outcome.
Jesus Showed Us What Surrendered Prayer Looks Like
There may be no clearer example than Jesus in Gethsemane.
He prayed:
“O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.”— Matthew 26:39 KJV
Notice what Jesus did not do.
He did not pretend He had no desire.
He expressed it.
“Let this cup pass from me.”
Surrender does not mean we stop telling God what we want.
It means what we want does not become greater than our willingness to trust Him.
Jesus brought His desire before the Father and then placed it beneath something greater:
“Not as I will, but as thou wilt.”
What would happen if that became part of our prayer life again?
God, I want this relationship restored.
Nevertheless, not as I will, but as Thou wilt.
God, I desperately want this opportunity.
Nevertheless…
God, I want healing.
Nevertheless…
God, I want this door opened.
Nevertheless…
God, I don’t want to lose this.
Nevertheless…
That isn’t weak faith.
That is extraordinary trust.
Because surrender says:
“I trust Your character more than I trust my ability to determine what the answer should be.”
Asking According to His Will Changes Prayer
John writes:
“And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:”— 1 John 5:14 KJV
Notice that confidence in prayer isn’t described as confidence that God will give us whatever we request.
It is confidence in Him.
And the prayer is aligned with His will.
That doesn’t mean we always know God’s specific will before we pray. If we did, many of our prayers wouldn’t require much trust.
Sometimes we genuinely don’t know.
And that’s okay.
We can tell God exactly what we want while leaving room for Him to be God.
“Father, this is what I desire. But if there is something I cannot see, I trust You.”
That prayer doesn’t lack faith.
It contains surrender.
What If the Closed Door Is the Answer?
We often continue praying because we assume nothing has happened.
But what if something has happened?
The door closed.
The opportunity disappeared.
The relationship ended.
The plan repeatedly failed.
The situation moved in another direction.
Now, we need discernment here. A difficulty is not automatically God’s command to quit. Scripture contains plenty of examples of perseverance through opposition.
But neither should we assume every closed door exists for us to kick down.
Sometimes we become so committed to the answer we want that we interpret every obstacle as spiritual warfare.
And perhaps sometimes the obstacle is simply:
No.
That can be difficult to accept.
Especially when we’ve prayed.
Especially when we believed.
Especially when we thought the thing was good.
But faith is not the ability to force the outcome we want by believing hard enough.
Faith trusts God even when His answer contradicts our preference.
Are We Asking God to Preserve What He Is Asking Us to Release?
Sometimes our unanswered prayer isn’t about obtaining something.
It’s about keeping something.
We are holding tightly to a relationship, identity, season, position, plan, expectation, or dream.
And our prayer becomes:
“God, please don’t let this change.”
But what if change is exactly where He is leading?
We can spend so much energy asking God to resurrect something that perhaps He is asking us to bury.
Not everything that ends was stolen from us.
Not everything that leaves needs to be chased.
Not every closed chapter needs another paragraph.
Sometimes surrender means allowing something to be finished.
And that requires enough trust to pray:
“God, if I am asking You to preserve something You are asking me to release, show me.”
That’s a brave prayer.
Because now we aren’t asking God to change the situation.
We’re allowing Him to change us.
Abiding Changes What We Ask For
This is where John 15 becomes important again.
Jesus said:
“If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.”— John 15:7 KJV
It is tempting to take the second half of that verse and turn it into a promise that God will give us anything we request.
But look at what comes first:
“If ye abide in me…”
“…and my words abide in you…”
Then:
“ye shall ask…”
Abiding comes before asking.
Why?
Because proximity changes desire.
The closer we walk with God, the more His Word begins shaping what we want.
Our prayers begin changing.
Instead of:
“God, bless my plan,”
we begin asking:
“God, what are You doing, and how can I walk with You in it?”
Instead of:
“God, make them stay,”
perhaps:
“God, help me see this relationship truthfully.”
Instead of:
“God, open this door,”
perhaps:
“God, open the right door, and give me the courage to leave the wrong one closed.”
Instead of:
“God, give me what I want,”
perhaps:
“God, teach me to want what draws me closer to You.”
That’s not giving up on prayer.
That’s prayer becoming relationship.
Maybe God Isn’t Saying No to You—Maybe He’s Saying No to What You’re Asking
There is a difference.
When God does not give us something, we can internalize the answer.
God rejected me.
God doesn’t care about me.
God isn’t listening to me.
God answers everybody except me.
But a no to our request is not necessarily a no to us.
A loving father can deny a request without rejecting the child making it.
In fact, love sometimes requires saying no.
And if we believe God sees what we cannot see, knows what we cannot know, and understands consequences we cannot anticipate, then there must be room in our theology for a God whose love occasionally refuses our request.
Otherwise, we’re not actually trusting God.
We’re trusting Him only when He agrees with us.
What If the Prayer Needs to Change?
Perhaps you’ve been praying the same prayer for months or years.
I’m not telling you to stop.
But perhaps it’s worth bringing the prayer itself before God.
“Father, am I asking rightly?”
“Am I asking You to bless something You never gave me?”
“Am I trying to hold something You are asking me to release?”
“Have I decided what Your goodness must look like?”
“Am I asking for Your will—or asking You to approve mine?”
“Is there something underneath this request that You want to show me?”
And then perhaps the hardest one:
“Father, if Your answer is different from mine, will I still trust You?”
That question takes prayer beyond transaction.
Because now God is no longer the vending machine.
We are no longer inserting prayer, selecting an outcome, and waiting for Him to dispense it.
We are placing the request into the hands of Someone we trust.
Maybe the Answer Is Found in Him
This entire series began with a question:
Why isn’t God answering my prayers?
And perhaps by now we are beginning to see that there isn’t one simple answer.
Sometimes we may have been praying to a God we know about without ever receiving Jesus Christ and actually knowing Him.
Sometimes we may have slowly distanced ourselves from God while continuing to ask Him for direction.
And sometimes we may be genuinely walking with God while asking Him for something that simply isn’t His will.
But underneath all three is the same invitation.
Come closer.
Know Him.
Abide in Him.
Let His Word abide in you.
Bring Him your desires honestly.
Bring Him your disappointment.
Bring Him the thing you desperately want.
But don’t come only for the answer.
Come for Him.
Because perhaps the deepest transformation in prayer occurs when we stop asking only:
“God, why haven’t You given me what I’m asking for?”
and begin asking:
“God, what are You showing me about Yourself—and what are You shaping in me while I wait?”
You can tell Him what you want.
You can ask boldly.
You can pray repeatedly.
You can weep.
You can hope.
You can believe.
And then you can place all of it before Him and say:
“Nevertheless, not as I will, but as Thou wilt.”
Not because you expect less from God.
But because you trust Him with more.
Much Love
~Gayla~
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