Why Is Everything I See So Negative?
Have you ever reached a point where it seems as though everything you see is negative?
Every time you turn on the news, something terrible has happened. Every time you open social media, someone is angry. Every conversation seems to contain another complaint. People seem more dishonest, more selfish, more offended, more divided, and more difficult than they used to be. Before long, you may find yourself wondering what happened to everyone and why everything around you seems to have become so dark.
But what if everything you are seeing is not everything that is there?
That is an uncomfortable question because the negative things we see are often very real. People do hurt one another. There is corruption. There is dishonesty. There is injustice. There are frightening things happening in the world. There are people behaving badly, relationships falling apart, families struggling, and situations that deserve our concern.
Philippians 4:8 does not ask us to deny any of that.
Instead, it causes us to examine something much closer to home.
What has my attention become trained to detect?
In our first reflection, we considered the way our attention begins searching for what we repeatedly tell it to look for. If we enter a store looking for one particular color, our eyes naturally begin scanning for that color. If we enter a craft store searching for one particular brand of yarn, that label begins standing out among hundreds of other skeins.
The other things have not disappeared. They simply are not what our attention is searching for.
The same principle can become much more serious when it begins shaping the way we see people, circumstances, and the world around us.
If we spend enough time looking for what is wrong, eventually what is wrong may become the thing we notice first.
When Attention Becomes Perception
Paul writes:
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”— Philippians 4:8 KJV
Notice that Paul does not merely tell believers to stop thinking about certain things. He deliberately directs their attention toward what is worthy of sustained thought.
That matters because what repeatedly occupies our attention can begin influencing the way we interpret what we encounter.
Suppose someone has experienced betrayal.
The betrayal was real. The pain was real. Trust was broken, and perhaps that person learned some important lessons from what happened.
But something else can happen after betrayal.
Instead of simply recognizing that one person was untrustworthy, we can begin watching everyone for evidence that they might be untrustworthy too.
Now we are scanning.
Someone takes longer than usual to answer a message, and immediately we wonder why.
Someone’s tone sounds slightly different, and we begin analyzing it.
Someone forgets something they promised to do, and instead of considering that they might simply have forgotten, our mind begins constructing another explanation.
Someone behaves differently than we expected, and suspicion enters before understanding has an opportunity.
Eventually, we may say:
“I just know people. I can see what they’re doing.”
Perhaps sometimes we can.
But perhaps sometimes we are also seeing what we have become accustomed to looking for.
There is a difference.
The Expectation of Offense
The same thing can happen with offense.
If I have become accustomed to looking for reasons to be offended, I will rarely have difficulty finding them.
People are imperfect.
They choose poor words.
They speak before thinking.
They misunderstand.
They have bad days.
They forget things.
They communicate badly.
They make assumptions.
They sometimes behave selfishly.
If I am continually scanning people’s words and behavior for something offensive, there will always be material available.
Before long, I can walk into conversations already prepared to detect something wrong.
I may listen less for what someone is actually saying and more for what might be hidden underneath it.
I may begin interpreting neutral comments through suspicion.
I may assume motives that were never stated.
I may even carry yesterday’s offense into today’s conversation and listen through what happened before.
Then something very subtle happens.
I begin believing that everyone around me is offensive.
But is everyone around me offensive, or has offense become one of the things I have become exceptionally skilled at noticing?
That question is worth considering.
What We Look for in People
Think about how differently two people can experience the same person.
One person might say:
“She is incredibly thoughtful.”
Another person might say:
“She is incredibly irritating.”
Both people may be describing something they genuinely experienced.
Perhaps she is thoughtful.
Perhaps she can also be irritating.
Most human beings contain enough strengths and weaknesses for both observations to be true.
But if I have decided that someone irritates me, something interesting can happen.
Everything irritating about that person becomes easier for me to notice.
The way she talks bothers me.
The way she responds bothers me.
The way she tells stories bothers me.
The things that once seemed insignificant suddenly become evidence supporting what I already believe.
Meanwhile, she may do ten thoughtful things that barely register.
Why?
Because thoughtfulness is no longer what I am looking for.
This does not mean we should overlook harmful behavior or remain in unhealthy relationships. Scripture never requires us to pretend someone’s destructive behavior is acceptable simply so we can maintain positive thoughts about them.
It does mean we should be willing to ask whether we are seeing a person truthfully or whether we have reduced that person to the collection of faults we have trained ourselves to notice.
Remember that Paul’s list begins with truth.
Sometimes truth requires acknowledging what is wrong.
Sometimes truth also requires acknowledging what is right.
When Fear Becomes a Searchlight
Fear can create the same kind of narrowing.
When we become afraid, our attention naturally begins looking for evidence connected to what we fear.
We begin asking questions.
What if this happens?
What if that happens?
What if I lose this?
What if they do that?
What if things get worse?
Then we begin collecting information.
Unfortunately, we live in an age where we can find nearly unlimited information supporting almost any fear.
If you want frightening stories, you can find them.
If you want stories about crime, you can find them.
If you want stories about disease, disaster, economic collapse, betrayal, corruption, or violence, you can find enough material to consume your attention from morning until night.
After enough exposure, something can begin to feel true even when the conclusion itself is much broader than the evidence supports:
“Everything is getting worse.”
“Nobody is safe.”
“You can’t trust anyone anymore.”
“People are terrible.”
“Nothing good happens anymore.”
Listen carefully to those words.
Everything.
Nobody.
Anyone.
Nothing.
Those are enormous conclusions.
Whenever our thinking begins using words that broad, it may be worth stopping long enough to ask whether we are describing reality accurately or describing the portion of reality that has been receiving most of our attention.
The World Has Not Become Only One Thing
There is darkness in the world.
There is also extraordinary kindness.
There are dishonest people.
There are also people who tell the truth when lying would benefit them.
There are selfish people.
There are also people quietly sacrificing their time, money, comfort, and energy for someone else.
There are marriages ending.
There are also marriages being restored.
There are families divided.
There are also families reconciling.
There are people abandoning their responsibilities.
There are also people faithfully showing up every single day when nobody applauds them.
There are people exploiting others.
There are also people protecting the vulnerable.
There are people mocking God.
There are also people discovering Christ.
There are prayers that seem unanswered.
There are also prayers being answered in ways someone may have waited years to see.
All of those things can exist at the same time.
The question is not whether darkness exists.
The question is whether darkness has become the only thing our attention knows how to find.
Elijah Saw Something That Was True, but It Wasn’t the Whole Picture
There is a fascinating moment in Elijah’s life that speaks directly to this.
After the confrontation on Mount Carmel, Elijah fled from Jezebel and eventually found himself at Horeb. Exhausted, discouraged, and afraid, Elijah told God:
“I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.”— 1 Kings 19:10 KJV
From Elijah’s perspective, the situation looked incredibly bleak.
He had been faithful.
Jezebel wanted him dead.
Israel had turned away from God.
And Elijah believed he was alone.
But later God told him:
“Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal…”— 1 Kings 19:18 KJV
Elijah was not imagining the danger.
Jezebel really did threaten his life.
Israel really had fallen deeply into idolatry.
Elijah’s distress was not based upon something entirely fictional.
But Elijah did not possess the complete picture.
There were seven thousand people Elijah could not see.
That should humble us.
Sometimes what we see is true without being all that is true.
There may be more happening than we know.
There may be faithfulness we cannot see.
There may be people quietly obeying God whom we have never met.
There may be good happening that never becomes a headline.
There may be answers unfolding that have not yet reached us.
Our limited sight should make us cautious about turning what we see into sweeping conclusions about everything that exists.
What Gets Our Attention Is Not Always What Is Most Common
There is another reason negativity can begin feeling overwhelming.
Negative things demand attention.
A hundred people can behave appropriately, but the one person screaming in the middle of the room captures everyone’s eyes.
Thousands of cars can reach their destinations safely, while one terrible accident becomes the evening news.
Hundreds of people can have ordinary interactions throughout the day, while one outrageous confrontation becomes a video shared millions of times.
Why?
Because ordinary faithfulness rarely creates spectacle.
Someone quietly taking care of an elderly parent is not likely to become breaking news.
Someone going to work every morning and faithfully providing for their family probably will not become a viral video.
Someone forgiving an offense privately may never receive public attention.
Someone praying beside a hospital bed may never be photographed.
Someone anonymously buying groceries for a struggling family may never tell anyone.
Someone choosing integrity when nobody is watching may never receive recognition.
But those things are happening.
They simply do not shout as loudly for our attention.
If we allow whatever is loudest to determine what we believe is most common, we can develop a terribly distorted picture of the world.
Philippians 4:8 Broadens Our Sight
This is where Paul’s instruction becomes so beautiful.
Paul does not tell us to replace truth with optimism.
He tells us to expand what receives our attention.
Look for what is true.
Look for what is honest.
Look for what is just.
Look for what is pure.
Look for what is lovely.
Look for what is of good report.
Look for virtue.
Look for what deserves praise.
In other words, do not allow darkness to convince you that darkness is all there is.
There is more to see.
That doesn’t mean every day will feel wonderful.
It doesn’t mean every circumstance contains something pleasant.
It doesn’t mean grief disappears because we notice something beautiful.
It means our sight does not have to become so narrowed by what is wrong that we lose our ability to recognize what is also right.
Jesus Saw What Others Overlooked
When we look at Jesus in the Gospels, we repeatedly see Him noticing people others had learned not to see.
He noticed Zacchaeus in the tree.
He noticed the woman who touched the hem of His garment while a crowd pressed around Him.
He noticed the widow giving two mites while others were giving much larger offerings.
He noticed children when His own disciples considered them an interruption.
He noticed faith where others saw social status.
He noticed need where others saw inconvenience.
He noticed people whom society had reduced to labels.
Jesus was certainly not unaware of sin. No one spoke more truthfully about sin than Christ.
But sin was not the only thing He saw when He looked at people.
That distinction matters.
Sometimes we can become so focused on identifying everything wrong with someone that we stop seeing the person standing in front of us.
Philippians 4:8 challenges that kind of vision.
Maybe Everything Isn’t Negative
Perhaps you have found yourself saying lately:
“Everything is so negative.”
Before accepting that statement completely, try changing the question.
Instead of asking:
“Why is everything so negative?”
Ask:
“What have I been looking at?”
What have I been watching?
What have I been reading?
What conversations have I been participating in?
What accounts have I been following?
What stories have I been clicking?
What subjects dominate my conversations?
What do I discuss at dinner?
What do I think about before falling asleep?
What do I reach for when I wake up?
What do I repeatedly rehearse in my mind?
Those questions are not intended to condemn us. They simply help us examine what has been shaping our attention.
Because if ninety percent of what I consume tells me what is wrong with the world, I should not be surprised when I begin believing that wrong is all the world contains.
Try Looking Again
Perhaps tomorrow you could conduct a simple experiment.
Go through your ordinary day without pretending anything is different from what it actually is.
Notice problems when they appear.
Recognize dishonesty when you encounter it.
Respond appropriately when something is wrong.
But also deliberately look again.
Who was kind today?
Who was patient?
Who kept their word?
Who helped someone?
Who showed restraint?
Who demonstrated integrity?
What was beautiful?
What made you laugh?
What did someone do well?
Where did you see generosity?
Where did you see courage?
Where did you see compassion?
Where did you see evidence of God’s faithfulness?
Where did you see something worthy of gratitude?
Perhaps at first you will have to look deliberately because your attention has become accustomed to searching somewhere else.
That is okay.
You are learning to look again.
What If It Was There All Along?
There is a profound difference between saying, “There is nothing good around me,” and saying, “I haven’t been noticing much good around me.”
The first statement makes a conclusion about the world.
The second examines our attention.
One leaves us powerless.
The other invites us to look again.
Perhaps the people around us contain more goodness than we have been noticing.
Perhaps our communities contain more kindness than the headlines reveal.
Perhaps God has been answering prayers in small ways that we have overlooked while waiting for the enormous answer.
Perhaps there are ordinary gifts surrounding us that stopped feeling remarkable because we became accustomed to them.
Perhaps there is beauty we have walked past every day.
Perhaps there are people faithfully doing good without anyone announcing it.
Perhaps there are reasons for gratitude sitting right beside the reasons for concern.
None of this makes what is wrong disappear.
It simply refuses to let what is wrong become all that we can see.
Paul understood that our attention needed direction.
That is why he did not leave the Philippians with a vague instruction to “think better.”
He gave them something to look for.
Whatsoever things are true.
Whatsoever things are honest.
Whatsoever things are just.
Whatsoever things are pure.
Whatsoever things are lovely.
Whatsoever things are of good report.
If there is virtue.
If there is praise.
Think on these things.
Maybe everything you see has seemed negative lately.
Maybe some of what you are seeing really is negative.
But before concluding that negativity is all there is, ask yourself one more question:
Am I seeing everything that is there, or have I simply become very good at finding what I have trained myself to look for?
There may be much more around you than you realized.
And perhaps it has been there all along.
Much Love
~Gayla~
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